It’s been a happy, busy life for me away from the town where I lived most of my married life and Dave’s long term infidelities took place. There is so much joy for me now in my own accomplishments and successes, and those of my children, as we move ever further from the life Dave subjected us to with his affair with a woman employee from our church, his complete abandonment of his family, and his argumentative and contentious divorce.
But these recent activities in the news have caught my attention and it affirms what I know to be true: there is no excuse for what he has done and how he did it. There are no reasons good enough to be thoughtless, hurtful, and deliberately cruel to others. Not just once by chance, but over years and years, thoughtfully and deliberately mean.
Dave chose the divorce and created the possibility for a blended family instead of an intact one—but the only thing that he has provided my children is a stepmother. One who is equally selfish, immature, and cruel as he is to my children.
First, there has been this public message from a second wife out there (so unlike Dave’s second wife):
Jada Pinkett-Smith Pens Open Letter on Blended Families
The actress gives advice on marrying a man with children from a previous relationship:
"I can't support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can't say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT'S selfishness...NOT love. WOMAN UP... I've been there...I know. My blended family made me a giant… Taught me so much about love, commitment and it has been the biggest ego death to date. It's time you let your blended family make you the giant you truly are."
So my children’s stepmother is insecure, weak, and selfish. Affirmation!
Then there has been the media reaction to her message:
Huffington Post contributor Mary T. Kelly, Marriage and Family Psychotherapist
“I agreed with your position regarding being non-supportive of "any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage." Any stepmother who sets out to keep her partner from his children deserves to be labeled as "evil" and any father that would allow this is equally if not more culpable and would benefit from examining why he permits this.”
And my children’s stepmother is evil, with Dave being culpable and needing to be examined. Continued affirmation!
And knowing what my children’s stepmother has done to her own children and ex-husband is even worse, and so brilliantly captured here:
“Would you tell a woman that she must love the mother of her stepchildren who has dragged her through court, falsely accused her of being abusive, told lies about her and disrespected her time with her partner with constant texts, emails and shocking intrusions into her home?”The only thing worse than nothing from the stepmother, is something from the stepmother as she is so severely crazed with her own broken family (ex-husband and her own children) that it is frightening! Police and court interventions required type of frightening!
The best thing ever about moving away and moving on is leaving that toxic environment where we all lived. Dave and the stepmother are dangerously negative forces. They have not demonstrated even the slightest ability to care for, care about, or nurture my children or honor the marriage he chose, and chose to end. There is something insidious and yes, evil, about their selfishness and callousness. Their detachment from the reality they have created. Their disregard for the feelings of others, the others they should love the most—children. His children.
So good, so very good, to be away and onward!