I couldn't be happier writing this post, I have waited, hoped, dreamed about, worked for, and waited some more. There are many changes following a divorce, and I have had to take them on; I managed them and endured them; some so unpleasant (explaining the need for and being tested for sexually transmitted diseases), some educational (rebuilding my net worth), and many frustrating (asking for my ex-husband to pay his share of his children’s cell phone bills, clothing allowances, and even prescription drugs, all to which he said he has no intention of paying). But this Big Change is the BEST EVER, and it never, ever could have possibly happened had I still been married to such a narcissistic man as my ex-husband. I finally have a career change that has catapulted me to work at the premier post-secondary educational institution in the state, our flagship state university. I am back, living and working in the beautiful, vibrant, diverse community of a state capital city.
Everything about this opportunity and the actions it set into motion confirmed my independence from an unhealthy marriage and a disrespectful divorce. Every thought, every decision that presented itself during the job offer decision making and transition was free from the constraints of my previous adult life as a married woman. My family and life circumstances could not have been better to support this change, in work and living and life. I made the plans, considered the risks, evaluated the benefits all with my welfare, my happiness considered; not “the husband’s”. It was finally my turn, my time, to have the fabulous job offer, the one which simply could not be declined! It was finally my turn to make the decision to accept it, my turn to choose to move, and when, and how, and all of those other details. It was finally my turn to take on excitement and change, achievement and new enterprise.
I have never looked forward to a job change and move with the sheer excitement that I have this time. The unknown of a new work environment, within a new employment setting and system that have come to me as a result of my skills, abilities and talents alone was simply breathtaking for me. I thought about it all the time, with wonder at what I would see, how it would unfold, who would I meet, what opportunities and activities would I now have the chance to experience? At the new job, at the new home, in the new neighborhood, in the new city, it is all wide open and beautifully sparkling, beckoning me like the sea to a sailor. Not some stogy aristocratic sailor from the safe and traditional shores of the Old World, but a new, fresh, eager sailor unencumbered by formality or rules of a role predefined for me, heading out into the New World!
Perhaps though, best of all, is the knowledge that this Big Happy Change was all about me and my strength and skills to accomplish it at all, and on my own merits! The end of a long term marriage through divorce takes a terrible toll on a person’s sense of self-worth and trust. My ex-husband never did take responsibility for his own actions; the divorce was no different, nothing wrong in his mind with unfaithfulness and lying. He was, and ever is unkind to me and so many others (like his own children, like his co-workers, like his own parents and brother) .So the achievement of this Big Happy Change finally, finally affirms my lifelong career goals and dreams, but also—really comes with it as a bonus—my personal goals and dreams for an amazing, wonderful, exciting, life outside of work. I did it! I did it! What a fantastic achievement I never was allowed to imagine for me when I was Mrs. Churchill.
Big Happy Change, I have been waiting my whole life for you. J